I’m sitting here on my couch, wide awake, at 3am. I’ve been here before. Insomnia and I are old friends. It used to make me crazy, especially when I worked a 9-5 desk job. I could never accept the fact that this is just who I am. I would toss and turn, angry and frustrated that I wasn’t like everyone else. I would stare at the ceiling and ask no one in particular, “WHY can’t I fall asleep like a normal person!?” There were nights when I would actually lie in bed with tears streaming down my face because I was still awake.
In spite of all of the distress that I experienced, there was a part of me that understood that this is my normal. Once I learned to accept that, I was able to discover the special magic in these late night hours that doesn’t exist during any other time of day. There is a silence so profound that it is almost unnerving. Anyone who has lived with ADHD will tell you that silence is something very precious and rare. It’s a feeling that I’m not sure I would ever experience were it not for insomnia.
I’ve learned to take comfort in these sleepless nights, because even though I am not asleep, my body and my mind are at rest. I’ve discovered the beauty of this time and embrace the opportunity to experience it. I’ll sleep another night…tonight I will enjoy the silence.
